Joy is our birthright, and it is what we look for in our lives. Everyone is looking for that happiness and deeper joy from the time we are born. We may feel a moment of joy in our lives. But that is a temporary moment. Joy is more akin to a profound sense of happiness. It is not an external feeling of happiness that comes from acquiring an object or situation. It is a state of mind and a feeling of the heart that includes contentment, confidence, and hope. This inner feeling does not leave us when conditions in our lives are not always the best.
We create most of our suffering. We can also create joy. It depends on our attitude towards any situation.
In the book where the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu get together to discuss joy: “The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World,” they both emphasize that we need to look at others with love, compassion, and generosity. Most of our suffering comes from being self-centered. “Everybody wants a happy life—and our individual happy life depends on a happy humanity. So, we have to think about humanity, discover a sense of oneness of all seven billion human beings,” states the Dalai Lama, and he recommends having compassionate feelings for others. “Even, you see, ten minutes or thirty minutes of meditating on compassion, on kindness for others, and you will see its effects all day. That’s the way to maintain a calm and joyous mind.”
Sage Patanjali, in his treatises of Raja Yoga Sutras (written about 500BC), recommends practicing 4 virtues to attain the joy of the mind. They are: maitri – friendliness, karuna – compassion, mudita – happiness, and upeksha – equanimity. It is interesting that these virtues or states of mind require practice. We usually think of them as being there as a result of our life. But they need to be actively developed. According to the Dalai Lama, we need to get rid of the strong sense of ‘I’ and focus more on ‘we.’ Once we develop a sense of common humanity and oneness, we will naturally want well-being for others and promote their happiness. This also requires humility.
“Sometimes we confuse humility with timidity,” Archbishop Tutu explained. “Humility allows us to celebrate the gifts of others, but it does not mean you have to deny your own gifts or shrink from using them. God uses each of us in our own way, and even if you are not the best one, you may be the one who is needed or the one who is there.”
We also struggle to be kind to ourselves and often engage in self-criticism. If we do not have genuine love and kindness towards ourselves, we cannot give it to others. We do not need to be perfect, but we need to show kindness towards all, including ourselves. The basic human nature is fundamentally good and positive. We need to remember that. We can all make mistakes.
We can be unhappy about the circumstances beyond our control, but we need to accept them. Acceptance is not resignation or defeat. “Why be unhappy about something if it can be remedied? And what is the use of being unhappy if it cannot be remedied?” This is a profoundly insightful statement by the Dalai Lama. It is very difficult to practice. Patanjali calls this upeksha or equanimity. If we cannot do anything about a situation, practice equanimity. But if we can do something about it, then we must try.
We need to pay more attention to the mental level of joy. Not just physical pleasures. True joy is in the mind. When we are happy and joyful in our minds, then physical pain does not matter as much. When I was working in the hospital during my college years I was amazed at this one woman who had so many problems and much physical pain, but always smiled and had something happy to say. When you entered her room, you left with a smile. Whereas others with minor pain complained and complained. Joyfulness is a decision that we can make, which is not dependent on outside circumstances.
Negative emotions like anger, jealousy, envy, or fear should not be considered a normal part of our lives that we cannot do anything about. Those negative emotions destroy our peace of mind and destroy our relationships with family and community. They also destroy our health. We are too focused on material possessions rather than our inner nature. When we genuinely care about others, kindness and compassion naturally take over. The Buddhists emphasize compassion. Compassion enables our mind to look at others and recognize that they may have less or be suffering more.
Our arrogance towards others, displayed as pride or ego, is in reality only our own insecurity. We need to feel superior only because we fear that we are inferior. So, by developing compassion towards others lets us understand that the desire for happiness is a natural feeling shared by everyone. We need to develop a sense of concern for others’ well-being and share our joy.
Forgiveness,” Archbishop Tutu states, “is the only way to heal ourselves and to be free from the past.” Without it we cannot be joyful. Without forgiveness, we remain bound to the person or situation that has harmed us. It becomes a prison and nurtures bitterness. Without forgiveness, the person who harmed us holds the key to our happiness. Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness, but rather empowers us to take back control of our feelings and our happiness.
By studying joy and happiness, we come to realize that they are within our grasp and have nothing to do with the outside world. It is an internal strength that we develop. Through compassion, the Dalai Lama has forgiven those who have exiled him. Through forgiveness, Archbishop Desmond Tutu was able to work towards multi-racial democracy and campaigned for human rights against the apartheid racial segregation in South Africa. Through self-acceptance, love, and compassion, we can be agents of spreading joy and happiness.
